


Alternate Colouration

by orphan_account



Category: Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Inspired by a random piece of merch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 09:13:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12932151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Itoshiki-sensei's life of despair has finally caught up to him...





	Alternate Colouration

Nobody was expecting anything too out of the ordinary as they sat down at their desks for homeroom that day. 'Ordinary', of course, taking on its own definition considering the teacher they had; though most of them weren't all too much on the normal side themselves.

"Sensei's a bit late," someone murmured.

But this wasn't very out of the ordinary, either. Itoshiki-sensei had been late many times and for many reasons. It would just be a different one today. Although, he _was_ taking a little longer than usual, it was true...

Chiri drummed her perfectly-cut fingernails on the desk in irritation.

A few more minutes passed, and finally, everyone perked up as they heard footsteps coming down the hall. The door slid open and everyone turned their heads towards it. It slid very slowly, however, almost shamefully...

"Sensei, you're 16 minutes l-"

The door slammed shut.

The students' eyes all followed their teacher as he walked across the room and stood behind his desk, expression blank.

Their gazes remained fixed on him. Today he was dressed all in black, with a hakama striped in white that brought out the shade of his hair.

His white hair.

Hair which, up until now, had been black, and was now... perfectly, completely, starkly, white... White as a sheet. White as chalk. White as an albino polar bear.

Yes, it certainly was white.

Itoshiki-sensei placed his hands on the desk. "Good morning."

"I like your hair, Sensei!"

Fuura shouted it out before anyone could even begin the awkward silence they'd all been preparing for. There was a large sigh all around, and Itoshiki-sensei hung his head, burying his face in his palms.

"Yes, everyone... it finally happened. Only a little earlier than I thought it would, but... I was ready. I knew it would happen... it was only a matter of time for me." His voice wobbled as a single tear rolled down his cheek dramatically and he wiped it away.

"What do you mean, Sensei?" Chiri demanded.

"Stress makes you age faster! It's proven! And I live my life every day, 24/7, in the pits of despair! My hair has gone white! All at once!" He banged his face against the surface of the desk, before suddenly jumping up and throwing his head back with a gasp. "I'm in despair! Aging prematurely has left me in despair!"

Fuura interrupted. "That's amazing, Sensei!" She clasped her hands together tightly. "You've been gifted with a magical power to control your aging! You're immortal!"

Itoshiki stared at her in horror. "I...Immortal? That's the last thing I want to be! I'm cursed! All along, I've been cursed! Was it that time I bought that creepy-looking Chinese box at a jumble sale? Or when I didn't give any change to that shady-looking old lady on the street? Or maybe when that weird advert popped up on _afterlifebelievers.net_ warning my home needed to be exorcised?! Aaaah, no! This can't be happening!"

Before anyone else could butt in, a member of staff, a sheepish-looking middle-aged man, popped his head in through the door of the classroom, eyeing the now-white-headed teacher. "Ah, Itoshiki-sensei... Can I, er, have a quick word with you?"

He fell out of his despair as quickly as he'd fallen into it. "Oh. What is it?"

The man fiddled with his tie, looking up at Itoshiki expectantly. "We understand that you're a bit of a cosplay enthusiast and, er, like to bend the dress code a little..."

_...C...Cosplay? Is that what they've been thinking of me this whole--  
_

"...But unfortunately," he continued, "the school administration has a strict policy on hair dye, including bleaching. You should have read it when you got the job!" He then gestured to the class. "And most importantly, you should be setting a better example to your students!"

Itoshiki-sensei looked to the side, trying to think of a way to word his excuse. "Ah, well, that's..."

Nami raised her hand and cut in: "But Sensei always sets the worst possible example."

The staff member blinked.

"No, it's the best example!" Fuura stood up in objection. "Sensei sets the best possible example of what _not_ to do! Usually at school we're shown anti-smoking or road safety videos, but thanks to Sensei, there's no need! He's saving the school budget!"

"Oh, right," Abiru added. "Teenagers always do the opposite of what those in authority do... like their parents, or teachers. Like when a nice and quiet couple produces a rebellious child. They're naturally drawn to the idea of making bad life decisions... Hard drinking, drugs, gangs, underage sex... But because Itoshiki-sensei makes all those bad decisions instead, they're no longer cool."

The member of staff began furiously sweating, thinking of the conversation he'd need to have with the principal later as their accused teacher waved his arms around frantically. "I-I don't make any of THOSE bad decisions!" He cried. _And my weekend sake-drinking is extremely tasteful!_

** _Meru Meru._ ** [ **And what kind of good decisions are _you_ making, animal girl?!** ]

"Still..." Itoshiki-sensei sniffled, "If even someone like me can set a good example to the youth of today, then..." He wiped his nose with his sleeve, turning to address the whole class: "Don't be like me... Don't become a senior citizen at the tender age of **◯◯**!"

"Eeh...?"

Everyone froze. Abiru dropped her crutch, and even Meru and Kudo-kun were looking up from their usual distractions.

The room grew silent, a sea of shocked faces standing perfectly still, all in disbelief of what they'd just heard.

"E...Eeeh?!" Nami gasped.

"S..." Chiri blanched.

"...Sensei's..." Komori popped out from a tile in the ceiling, her hair falling upside-down.

Everyone shouted out at once,

" ** _Sensei's actually ◯◯?!_** "

Mayo Mitama walked in late mostly unnoticed as everyone continued to gawk, a bottle of bleach sticking conspicuously from her bag.

How nice of her to selflessly take her own time out to do some cleaning!

 

* * *

 

Matoi, watching from behind the doorway, snapped another carefully-timed photo, her gaze discerning.

_Hmm... White-haired Sensei is good, too._

**Author's Note:**

> This is a small ficlet inspired by the alternate colour nendoroid, which I think is really cute. The idea came from me trying to think of an excuse to use him in a story, and I thought it would be funny if it turned out that it was just a Sensei whose hair had gone white from despair, lol. Of course, the true reason ended up being that Mayo mixed some bleach into his shampoo, which came as an afterthought.
> 
> The end is written so that you can read him as either being older or younger than you expect, because he has no canon age as far as I know.
> 
> Still in the middle of the series, I only recently started S2, and I really like it so far, so I couldn't help but write something.


End file.
